The Infected Wound

"If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over." (Matthew 18:15) Imagine you have a deep splinter of wood stuck in your hand.

It is red, swollen, and throbbing with pain. You have two choices. First, you can ignore it. You can put a bandage over it, put your hand in your pocket, and pretend it isn't there. You can tell everyone, "I'm fine!"

But under the bandage, the infection is growing. The poison is spreading into your blood. Eventually, you might lose the hand. Second, you can take a pair of tweezers and pull it out. This will hurt.

It will sting. It might even bleed. It is an uncomfortable, painful moment. But once the object is out, the pain stops, and the real healing begins. Conflict in a relationship is like that splinter. When someone hurts you, the natural human instinct is to avoid the pain.

We do two things: Silence: We withdraw and give them the "silent treatment," letting the bitterness (infection) grow inside us. Gossip: We tell everyone except the person who hurt us. We show the wound to our friends to get sympathy, but we never go to the surgeon to get it fixed.

Jesus gave us a specific prescription for this. He said: Go to the person. He didn't say "Wait for them to come to you." He said you go. And He said do it "just between the two of you." Conflict resolution is painful, like pulling out a splinter.

It is awkward to look someone in the eye and say, "When you said that, it hurt me." But this "good pain" is the only path to a healthy relationship. Ignoring the issue doesn't keep the peace; it just delays the war.

Theologically, this is known as the Matthew 18 Principle . Jesus lays out a clear flowchart for solving problems in the church: Step 1 (The Private Meeting): Go alone. Keep the circle as small as possible.

This protects their reputation. Most conflicts (90%) should be solved here. Step 2 (The Witness): If they refuse to listen, bring one or two wise people to help mediate. Step 3 (The Church): Only if they are dangerously unrepentant do you bring it to leadership.

The biggest sin Christians commit here is Triangulation . Healthy Conflict: Person A talks to Person B. (A straight line). Triangulation: Person A is mad at Person B, but talks to Person C about it. (A triangle).

Triangulation makes you feel better ("venting"), but it destroys the community. It spreads the infection to Person C, who can't fix it. Reflect on this: Do you have an "infected wound" right now? Is there someone you are avoiding or complaining about, instead of talking to?

Are you hoping the problem will just disappear? (It won't). 👣 Take a Step Peacekeeping is avoiding the conflict; Peacemaking is resolving it. Be a Peacemaker. If you have an issue with someone, stop talking to your friends about it.

Pick up the phone today and say, "Hey, can we grab coffee? I need to talk to you about something." It will sting for a moment, but it will heal for a lifetime.